Greyspace...

Half of my life has gone And I have not, Nor will, Accomplish the vision of What I set out to see. To feel. Not the idealized version of Some romance fulfilled Not a fairy tale, Nor indulgence, Not money, Nor the silver sword barer On a ghostly white horse But a craze and a deep seeded need. A tumultuous need So sick, And so tortured Of a craft by nature Now life has far removed The lights and the noise Hard to recite Raw Yet swooning, In absence of ego, The view of all faces Strange and so vast A feeling indescribable Nor for anyone to understand Age has come quick But the want stands still and the release from thy love And the sound, The voice The sound that has saved And yet, Forever kills me

but I love this song....

Through dangers untold, And hardships unnumbered, I ravage and toil, Scarlet letter betrothed. Through hearts so indebted, And souls turned ashen, His bidding doth work, Lest my fingers, the cinder. Through loves fine delusion, And despise like a brother, Not a will to forget, Nor a force to surrender. Through tear strained strokes, The canvas doth not hold, Smears of regret, But scars bore freely, tenfold @darkPeach

In all the ones we've known, There has never been another, Then that we call Jack, Carpenter, beggar or brother. Strolls through the alley Forgetting his dime, And seeks us out solely, One peddle at a time. With nothing to offer But a smile or a jingle Or a story of Lore Old since forgotten The day grows dark No real want to shake him And he revels in reminding us We're still gravely mistaken Our love so endearing, His pride we daren't pluck, For wasting the time, With his opera and such And at the days end, Whilst the working has foil, Jack sits back and grinning, Over his fifth pint of free oil.

Of all this I write And purge, and beg, And watch it wash out At the waters edge It repeats and renews As the white washes up And springs forth From a mountains cup. Resounds with vigor The thunder screams At springs new color To overshadow again. And in timeless space Of  heartbeats pain It lives like a hollow Waiting for the light again.

All over her I see it The fire Arms spinning like a red baton Waiving ferociously At the world to blame Speaking in tongues The rue morgue Foaming over the banks Insulted by the cloth of poverty Her dirty, masculine hands "It is mine! It was meant for me!" "Have pity for me!" "Speak woefully in my absence!" And "Give me the attention I conjur!" The onlookers can see But not with their eyes From under their breast The stage is only a false Perception of foundation Truly perpetuated by shame The fear burns The dragon cycle of breath Smoldering on Her sharp stare I see it The fire @Red Hammonds 2014

Doing a cover of this song! Can't wait!

What's done is done. There is no going back. Of course not- we all know this. There is nothing profound in repeating the obvious, And there is nothing smart about reliving the past. There will never be a level of understanding that explains away the selfishness and life choices  of another. Maybe they had no choice....too emotionally immature  to see things clearly. We will never know and it won't make it bearable. But what is inherently known is that the outcome of any decision should always lie with the decision maker. There should not be a recipient. It is our responsibility to protect and cultivate humanity... Not set others up for failure. Personal wants should take second to the suffering of others. But it will be done and undone all in the same breath. And we will continue to work through the cause and effect. To move on

Raid the night with the luxury of invisibility till dawn, sleep comes a fool.

Last weekend you threw me a wonderful 45 birthday party. Made a very special post about how amazing I was and had come into your life, saved you so to speak. Now two days later I am sent a message telling me you are looking at a woman who was brought as a guest. Candice. I went into your always open email and there I found proof. You emailed yourself, from you personal to work email, first and last name. I asked about it and you said, "well, it's because we haven't been getting along very well" WHAT? We have been together a year and 8 months and have had maybe three disagreements. One of them a little heavy as I had to push you to communicate. I am realizing that you have a fear of accountability and confrontation. Even if it is beneficial, you just don't want to do it. It's like nothing I have ever seen before. Still, what is it that you have just done? Do I let it go? Do I let you go?