Greyspace...

I am sick today. As are many days That the trees bough share no leaves I am sick in this hour As are many hours That the earth toils under human blunder I am sick in this minute As are the slow mourn of minutes That true destiny waits to be revealed - and the dreams of fine goals, earnest resolution, The ignorance of suffrage and idyll delusion For I am sick today But do not let my words deny you... Care not for the trivial The luxury or the pride Care for those in pursuit of lights blessed delight Care for self and diligence- the nurture of others Do not be sick today, nor any day Rest the illness of humanity fallen For the moments of the past have no precedence Yet again the bough will blossom @darkPeach

Illusory is the shape of ripple that is left behind While the unclaimed stand afar and wish its influence to care I watch them, abhor you and dream the power to be wrought from your charm fingers Your magic is a threat, the honesty that challenges the lie of their efforts But the  illusory continue to revel in the sight, it is quite amusing - implicitly; and it feeds the want all the more.

I left a very well paying Corporate career to go back to school and finish my degree..... no, not a Bull Shit degree- although some day's it feels like that. Just for a year I thought. Now that I'm in it-  Can I do it? I am already struggling with the decrease in pay, bringing me right back to my early single mom day's-  but I want it. I want to do more- I want to make even more money. Not for me... I am not a spender for myself ( unless its vinyl records, Doc's , Bands or Mid-Century shit)... no, I want to take care of my family in a huge way. Set them up for total success. I am looking at two more years of struggle.... sigh.

The wet breath of foggy dew licks the back of my ears and stings my eyes. This cold brick bleeds through my shoulder, as I lean against for all that is life in that moment. It is there that I can see it, almost feel the warmth of a 5th story window glow. A yellow-orange harmony...  taunting through a sheer vale of safety. Just one step, two steps- just three steps more... But the frailty beneath my knees gives way to acceptance of cool concrete against my cheek. It is a welcome gift of sharpness to my jumbled thoughts and it is okay, because from this place I can still see the window. Maybe they will see me too this time.

Insomnia day three. The only thing it is good for is writing.

This song and this woman singing it makes me happy and sad all at the same time. I just love it with every ounce of me

                                                                                                                             Decorum Garden Long limbs ceremonial swaying  branches bend to the James ...this river floats the sun. Song sings on winds wing and whips through the path of flowers fragrant birth. History engulfs and breaths throu...

Washington Monument w the United States Capital in background- 9/2009

How do I feel about music? well, since I can remember it has been the one and only constant. Memories of gospel hymns sang Acapella, 8th row, right side church pew. Watching my mother clean the house and listening to Elvis, or some Patsy Cline. Watching the Lawrence Welk show with my grandmother... playing vinyl at her house. My grandfather being a musician who played, banjo, fiddle, piano and guitar. My grandmother recording me when I was five... "what do you want to be when you grow up?", me- "a singer". My mother forcing me to read my father a song I had written in the 5th grade, and then him explaining to me that music is what he called " a pipe dream". Never knew what that meant until I was older, just that it wasn't something he wanted me to pursue. I never got the singing lessons I asked for in middle school, but I sang anyway. I sang in church, I sang in music elective classes, performing arts, etc. I sang in and out of a few bands over the ye...

Tongues tied like Dark ashen snakes Movements broken Paths twisted through Fires garden Roji embers to Dance across While drops of dew Entice a romance Shadows fear Etched in stone

Take a chance Happenstance Slip Trip Fall Dare to dance Smile and wave Exotic in style Lover Leaver Stay for awhile  Sun starts to rise Earth moves the tides Lower And over Turn And under We wait for the meaning The lesson to learn Beguile Be wild Don't wait for your turn

I love my life, I love the people in my life, I am in love with my life and the people in my life. I love my children, which are my life. They are my existence, they are my mortality. May they continue to grow and have peace. May the ones they love have peace.

I can think for hours of nothing important, But of everything that consumes me.   I can trust that I will do better, Only to fail in silence   I can continue to keep it bottled up To spare others, As I have gained maturity.   But the tides ebb and flow is alive beneath my flesh, And I am the same monster I used to be.

Half of my life has gone And I have not, Nor will, Accomplish the vision of What I set out to see. To feel. Not the idealized version of Some romance fulfilled Not a fairy tale, Nor indulgence, Not money, Nor the silver sword barer On a ghostly white horse But a craze and a deep seeded need. A tumultuous need So sick, And so tortured Of a craft by nature Now life has far removed The lights and the noise Hard to recite Raw Yet swooning, In absence of ego, The view of all faces Strange and so vast A feeling indescribable Nor for anyone to understand Age has come quick But the want stands still and the release from thy love And the sound, The voice The sound that has saved And yet, Forever kills me

but I love this song....

Through dangers untold, And hardships unnumbered, I ravage and toil, Scarlet letter betrothed. Through hearts so indebted, And souls turned ashen, His bidding doth work, Lest my fingers, the cinder. Through loves fine delusion, And despise like a brother, Not a will to forget, Nor a force to surrender. Through tear strained strokes, The canvas doth not hold, Smears of regret, But scars bore freely, tenfold @darkPeach

In all the ones we've known, There has never been another, Then that we call Jack, Carpenter, beggar or brother. Strolls through the alley Forgetting his dime, And seeks us out solely, One peddle at a time. With nothing to offer But a smile or a jingle Or a story of Lore Old since forgotten The day grows dark No real want to shake him And he revels in reminding us We're still gravely mistaken Our love so endearing, His pride we daren't pluck, For wasting the time, With his opera and such And at the days end, Whilst the working has foil, Jack sits back and grinning, Over his fifth pint of free oil.

Of all this I write And purge, and beg, And watch it wash out At the waters edge It repeats and renews As the white washes up And springs forth From a mountains cup. Resounds with vigor The thunder screams At springs new color To overshadow again. And in timeless space Of  heartbeats pain It lives like a hollow Waiting for the light again.

All over her I see it The fire Arms spinning like a red baton Waiving ferociously At the world to blame Speaking in tongues The rue morgue Foaming over the banks Insulted by the cloth of poverty Her dirty, masculine hands "It is mine! It was meant for me!" "Have pity for me!" "Speak woefully in my absence!" And "Give me the attention I conjur!" The onlookers can see But not with their eyes From under their breast The stage is only a false Perception of foundation Truly perpetuated by shame The fear burns The dragon cycle of breath Smoldering on Her sharp stare I see it The fire @Red Hammonds 2014

Doing a cover of this song! Can't wait!

What's done is done. There is no going back. Of course not- we all know this. There is nothing profound in repeating the obvious, And there is nothing smart about reliving the past. There will never be a level of understanding that explains away the selfishness and life choices  of another. Maybe they had no choice....too emotionally immature  to see things clearly. We will never know and it won't make it bearable. But what is inherently known is that the outcome of any decision should always lie with the decision maker. There should not be a recipient. It is our responsibility to protect and cultivate humanity... Not set others up for failure. Personal wants should take second to the suffering of others. But it will be done and undone all in the same breath. And we will continue to work through the cause and effect. To move on

Raid the night with the luxury of invisibility till dawn, sleep comes a fool.

Last weekend you threw me a wonderful 45 birthday party. Made a very special post about how amazing I was and had come into your life, saved you so to speak. Now two days later I am sent a message telling me you are looking at a woman who was brought as a guest. Candice. I went into your always open email and there I found proof. You emailed yourself, from you personal to work email, first and last name. I asked about it and you said, "well, it's because we haven't been getting along very well" WHAT? We have been together a year and 8 months and have had maybe three disagreements. One of them a little heavy as I had to push you to communicate. I am realizing that you have a fear of accountability and confrontation. Even if it is beneficial, you just don't want to do it. It's like nothing I have ever seen before. Still, what is it that you have just done? Do I let it go? Do I let you go?

Gloriousness in human flesh, Stands tall and walks among you. It is unmistakable, unique, Carrying a flush of nature. A slight shimmer in motion, Like a ripple in the weather. It can flash past your vision, As you quickly move on- But take a step back Face it eye to eye. Such a remarkable creature, Awaits you in the mirror.

Future joys harbor stories untold, and for the better implied. But one day as the water dries, and cracks form in the corners, there will be no shame, no coverup no regret. Levels of obtainment lessen to lost, and faces look tilted at springs hollow eyes. Any recollection of blame will unfold  into the retching of dust, tears will shy, and as the earth shivers under.... Stories are forgotten

I keep going back.... and I'm ready to go again Big Sur, Ca

Teenage boredom...... and Beauty! The never-ending amount of boredom with what is being presented will pass..... although you cannot grasp it. The overwhelming feeling of needing to "do something" "get out of the house" (anything but homework!) will also pass. You will not miss out on anything.... not your friends and not the laughs. Hang in there kiddo, I know you are still you. The most precious moments are when your able to have fun with your family, and show it...be your core self, and with no feeling of embarrassment because it "wasn't cool".    hahahaha You are the best! I am so proud of your self expression and I love you

These guy's are playing in LA county this Thursday the 20th.... First time playing the U.S. in 30 years!

Never get's old.... Love!

Car Trouble

Enjoy!

Endless untapped adventure....  and part of my heart is in SF

Only you have the answers. Only you hold the key. No... you are not supposed to know what to, just that it is in your power to find it. The path will not be easy, and you will be redirected. But as long as you follow your instinct, partner with your internal voice, ....... listen , and watch what is being presented, you will ultimately find your way. Because there is no other choice. You have a destiny. It is there  Just pay attention.

Perspective ..... it's about who you love.. and what you love.

To keep the body in good health is a duty... otherwise we shall not be able to keep our mind strong and clear. -Buddha I have struggled this week with my workout routine. My five days of jogging/hiking/elliptical was dwindled down to two days of hiking plus a bike ride. I am going through a bit of burnout and have done my best to keep my head in the game. The advice is to do something more inviting during these moments so starting tomorrow I'm changing it up! I am doing a five day detox and going back to running on the beach, the weather has been beautiful and it will be good for my spirit. I love exercise and the mental clarity it brings. I feel guilty when it doesn't happen and after two days I start to feel sluggish. I am however proud that I forced myself to do something this week and not give in to the drain. It really does make a difference and my best advice to anyone who understands the importance of exercise is to do just that... do something ...... anything ! ...

HUGE deep breaths! until the pressure is so tight the expulsion begins Head high! smile until cheeks extend and the warmth caresses your eyelids Open arms bring it in, grab all in sight until the exhaustion brings effortless sleep Everyday is yours! dont be fear full of the light Move forward and leave your shadow everywhere! You are ALIVE !

This needs to happen! Maybe tomorrow! #Bestskates #love

An AMAZING go to song! .. ... makes me smile every time

Had a case of the blahs today... no reason. Thought a bit about people I care for that are no longer in my life but other than that, I just couldn't put my finger on it. I got back from vacation two day's ago. Is there such a thing as "post Hawaii blues"?... lol Whatever it was, I forced myself to go run my favorite hiking trail and went to work. I work somewhere where people get to entertain and laughter is readily abundant. I even did a little singing. What a great combination... exercise, laughter and singing? Now I feel pretty damn good ;) Thank you lovely humans for your kinship

Owning it.. At this point in my life I feel very comfortable saying " I am entitled to my opinion" The life experience is 10 fold. I have heard, seen, felt and committed some very negative things. Things they make movies out of. I have also experienced the best, most rewarding  and exciting things...... I love and I am loved. I own it all. Knowledge is only power when  it creates a platform partnered with earned maturity, patience and kindness. I am thankful for the challenges , look forward to being the best I can everyday and truly proud of who I am. What I bring to the table. I am.... And always have been a positive spirit and well driven. And although my growth will continue and I will not always be right.... even offend, I am  " entitled to my opinion". Because I have  EARNED it. You do not have to agree with me,  but some of the smartest people I've  known would tell you... You should.  :)

Ojai Valley California

Metal Romance.. .

Late night, Alcohol aids the blind. Uncomfortable in your skin, Because its dull, retracted. Doesn't fit right, Two sizes too small. Procrastination, Your strife , only yours too own. Scaling borrowed ground, You judge but your colors are not clear, A Chameleon. You have a stolen chance, A meal ticket. Immaturity was willing to gamble. You can stop writing, repetitive words, About being a victim. Stale words, Hidden but purposefully available, Fall on deaf ears. Wrong choice, But no request of forgiveness Only projected blame. Unable to create a life without another, But willing to do so. Selfishness not kindness, Rules this mistake. Abandoned?...... No In reality, A stranger. A donator . Plea's for a decision made, Because it was... Your choice . Statements of independence, yet all the while a taker. Jealousy feeds your monster And it is hungry

"A Woofer in Tweeters Clothing" ...

I'm female.... And I totally agree! http://thoughtcatalog.com/christine-stockton/2014/07/guys-answer-whats-the-difference-between-a-girl-you-date-and-a-girl-you-just-hook-up-with/

COASTAL CONNECTIONS

Vinyl=Heaven

Warmth#CoolBreeze#CrispSkin#Sounds#SoaringHigh#SwingsSqueekyChains#CrunchyWaves#FaintTunnelVoices#BrightSky#SquintEye#Breath........... Exhale

You are not perfect....sitting across from me with dinner on your face but you are original, and straight like an arrow ripping through this maiden shield. And you are there. When night removes its face, When morning follows behind the birds... You are there. When the tears come in the form of seizure and when the joy surprises.... You are there. Because you have created it. And because of you... WE are here